Live Metanoia

This day has been ‘one of those days’. I woke up with a horrible headache that radiated into my neck. I usually get these headaches and migraines. I have suffered from them for years. I think the ever-changing Texas weather and the on and off again thunderstorms we have been having the past week might have something to do with it. Or the astronomical amount of pollen in the air. Or I haven’t been to the chiropractor in three weeks. Or maybe it’s a combination of all of that. Who really knows because I don’t. 

I did go the chiropractor today and get adjusted. It was glorious, and I did feel better in my neck. The doctor recommended I get adjusted weekly for the rest of this month and honestly, I agreed with him. Maybe getting regular adjustments and then weening off them may help? Can’t hurt to try. Luckily, the cost at this office is actually less at the other chiropractor’s place I was using with insurance. Don’t get me started on the travesty that is the American health care system.  

On another more stressful note, in the past six weeks I have had six showings for my home that I am currently trying to sell. I’m hoping the interest the buyers have shown in my home works out. Have I packed my home up and am I ready to move? Not at all. Do I currently have a home to move into if my home does sell quick? Nope. There is a home I viewed recently that I adored. A funky older home that was remodeled. I love the little 50s/60s homes that shoot toward the back and have a decent remodel. I’m a sucker for a fancy bathroom and kitchen. This one I saw has so much potential, but a las, I will have to wait and see if the seller finishes the home in time.

I also shattered the back of my phone today an hour before I had to get ready to work tonight. If your dogs started howling or barking around 7pm in the Texas area, it was me screetching, hitting sound decibels only heard by canines. I was so upset. I felt like the little voodoo spoons in the Lilo and Stitch movie that Lilo puts in a pickle jar and shakes. Lilo, stop shaking my voodoo spoon and give a girl a break. Thank the good lord above I have that protection insurance Verizon offers that I can hopefully get my phone fixed with tomorrow. 

Now that I have rambled on with what has been going on recently in my life, on to the point of my post today.

I’ve been thinking recently about what it means to be pure of heart. In the spiritual or biblical sense. 

Two specific verses from the bible have stood out to me recently;

Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

Proverbs 4: 23 “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life.”

This world is not for the pure of heart. Seriously. It’s easy to become jaded by the atrocities of this world. In my job, I get to see a lot of things. 9 out of 10 times it’s the horrible parts of this world. 

I feel like I’ve struggled to keep a pure heart at times. Is it because of my job? Honestly it might be a little bit, but you know, what’s a girl to do? My job can be a high stress event and it exposes me to how inherently evil people can be. Sometimes however, I see good things and it’s kind of what I signed up for. To help. To serve. To make a difference. You know the “Send me” verse in the bible. Yes. Send me. 

I think my struggle is also by the world in general. The world sexualizes and warps everything. I mean everything. Social media influences people’s daily lives.  All we see is violence and provocation. I see teenagers and younger on social media dancing to vulgar songs and mouthing along with the lyrics like it’s no big deal. I see how unapologetically horrible people can be on the internet; posting, commenting, and etc. on others videos or posts and struggle with how nasty people can be.

I also become sad. Sad for them. Sad for the teenagers and young adults who have no parental figures in their life and no direction. Sad for the grown adults who comment ugly things about others just because they are on the internet and believe that they can. That they are entitled to do so. It’s really the entitlement for me. 

We as a human race can be so broken. 

I often wonder if this is what life is like for the godly types or the ones trying to follow God’s path…to constantly hurt for the broken and wounded. To have a tender heart. To become so angry at how callous and heartless people can be to each other. To struggle not to become callous yourself. To not become jaded by constantly being surrounded by evil. By temptation. By sin. 

How do the pure of heart remain pure when 90% of the world is not? Do I strive to surround myself around more Godly people and build a tribe? Be more consistent in going to church services? Read my bible more and reflect and pray? How do I build my spiritual armor to the degree that when I have to step into the mud of the world, I am protected by the grace and power of God?

This is not a test of faith for me, at least I don’t feel like it is. My faith in God is strong. But I am so very tired. Weary. How do I find the light when I look at the world and see darkness? Is this one of those ‘If it turns you away from the Lord, delete it, turn it off, etc.?’ because maybe I should do that instead. Maybe I should focus more on reading the word and in prayer. Maybe I should establish a routine in going to church now that my work schedule has changed and I can. 

Maybe an emersion is what I need. To drown in Jesus. 

Oh, I like that. I should put that on a shirt. 

My journey continues,

Kaycee