Live Metanoia

Hello friends, I have posted now, not counting this post cause this is eleven, ten- TEN- blog posts! I wanted to take this blog post tonight to recap over my previous posts and give my current thoughts on them. I usually write my posts in the moment; the subjects are planned yes, but the content within, I type by I go by the seat of my pants. Some writers need to plan out every part of their writing or posts, I am not one of those writers. So, here’s to my ten posts, and an update on my current opinions on them!

My first post I believe was an introduction post with a little about me. I called myself a dreamer, which I still consider myself to be. I am still in Texas and still working the same job I have been since I started. COVID is still a thing, unfortunately, and I still forget my mask when I leave my car and have to turn around and walk back to my car to get it, which ugh. I still sing Disney songs and other random songs down the hallway where I work. One of my co-workers asked how am I so chipper every day, and I told him jokingly it was channeled rage. I kid- kind of. I still am wanting to experience life to the best of my abilities however COVID put a big ole’ pause on a lot of my plans. So far 2020 hasn’t been anything I wanted it to be. 

My second post, To Live with Grace, well let’s say I am definitely still working on that. It is a constant struggle for me some days. Some days I feel so jaded and exhausted by this world and the constant nastiness of humanity. Some days I am able to take a deep breath and forgive. I can be empathetic and give the benefit of the doubt. When I’m at work I have to be objective and have a lot of discernment. Overall, I believe I may be more empathic in nature than I originally believed and that’s why I am so tried more often than not. I am working on shielding myself from others energies and not letting others negative behavior or anger bleed into me and affect mine.

Now, Oh Health No! Well I can tell you all I am working with a personal trainer friend of mine (check Instagram @MissJenlifts) who was gracious enough to help me out. I am eating more protein and less fast food, and drinking all the water and having to pee a lot. I am also working on building a home gym up. I have three sets of dumb bells and a weight bench I have yet to put together (but I will put it together tonight I swear!) along with a treadmill and row machine. I am still working on consistency and building cardio as well. Endurance is as important to me as building my strength. I have a goal to run a half marathon one day. It will happen. 

Next, Stop Asking Me. I am still hilariously single and childless. I went to a baby shower recently where a friend of mine is having her first. I felt a weird sense of nostalgia, which I don’t think is the right word, but it’s as close as I can explain the feeling I felt while there. It wasn’t a needy feeling or a sadness, but like I was weirdly removed from the whole experience. When I see friends and family popping out babies and getting married, or living a married life, I always feel like someone looking in from the outside. It’s a strange feeling watching everyone around you live married lives where you aren’t involved and can’t relate because you are not in the ‘married camp’ with them. Married people or people with kids don’t invite their single friends to places. I guess they find it weird or no longer relate to you. I do a lot of stuff on my own now of days. It’s liberating as well as lonely. I still can’t stand when people infer I should be married by now or have a kid. I guess they think I should just be a serial dater or maybe settle into whatever relationship I can get and be miserable later because of the settling. 

For The Tar pit, there’s not much to say about it. I wrote it for a magazine, and I still believe people need to be aware of toxic relationships and need to cut that mess out of their lives for their own wellbeing. No one has time for that. I struggle to completely cut the cord of toxicity in my own friendships due to the belief that I believe people can change. I need to get it through my tender heart that some people are narcissist and will never change and will blame you for their crappy behavior. Every once in a while, I take a look in the mirror. I self-evaluate. Am I being the problem? Do I need to get my shit together? Sometimes I do think it’s me. But then most toxic people in my life prove my initial feelings right. They suck and I’m not crazy. Reader, stop being friends and following toxic people on social media. They take your happiness, chew on it, and spit it back in your face. Don’t let them take your joy.

My next post was about living authentically and unapologetically. I will freely admit I am still working on this one as well. I think in the era we live in right now, with social media and expectations that are constantly thrusted upon us in everyday life, everyone struggles with this. It’s hard. I think anyone who says it isn’t is a liar or very deluded. Knowing yourself and working on yourself are very different things and both are needed to live authentically and unapologetically. I constantly think of who I am and what do I want to put out in the world. 

After my live authentically post, I wrote one about money. The Root of All Kinds of Evil. I am working on being debt free and looking for ways to save money. Not eating out does save me hundreds of dollars and my bank account thanks me for it. Meal prepping at home is a lot cheaper than one would think and I make myself cook now even though I don’t enjoy cooking in the slightest. I also have curbed my random spending. I think before I ‘add to cart’ and usually tell myself to wait on things I want to buy. I still need to work on budgeting and how to work a budget on a biweekly pay schedule, and I want to look into changing my car insurance and home insurance to save money. Maybe I should also look into changing banks where my house is insured through. The current one I use isn’t very user friendly. I also have a bunch of items I want to sell and donate. Go more minimalist, and get rid of things that in Marie Kando’s words, ‘no longer bring me joy’. This section of my life- money, minimalism, and finance bring me the most stress and stress relief at the same time. I think once I knock off two of my main baby steps I will feel loads better. 

I later wrote a post about my birthday. Turning twenty-nine hasn’t been any life changing from my last birthday thus far. I think this year in general has gone over like a wet blanket in general so I’m not too upset about it. I still love the holidays. I don’t think that will change. I want to celebrate as many joys in this life as I can. So, holidays? Bring it. Birthdays? You betcha. When people are so blasé about their birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays it makes me sad. That the childlike joy of whatever day has dimmed in their eyes. That they no longer find joy in it. I hope to always carry a positive outlook of holidays and birthdays and hope that brings a little positivity to others around me.

Lie to Me was a fun post! I loved talking about social media and its perils. I also added fun pictures so, yay for that. I originally was set to delete my social media accounts, but now I struggle to do so. A lot of people I follow on Instagram are not on Parler. A lot of my friends and family on Facebook aren’t on other apps either. So, what’s a girl to do to keep in touch and keep her information secure? Stop posting personal info? Maybe I should see if everyone I follow on Insta has a Facebook and then just delete the Instagram. Apparently, Instagram is going to crackdown on a lot of their guidelines and policies, so maybe I should go through with deleting it. I get to the point where I wonder if deleting it all would be better for my overall health. Just give a week-long shout out about, ‘if you want to keep in touch, get my number- peace!’ but I also wonder about if this is just what the world lives in now since the technology age and social media age. That we all work on a connected line through one media or another. It’s a push/pull of what I post now of days that’s for sure. 

Pretty is like The Tar Pit in the sense I wrote it a while back and is a prose/poetry type thing. I have a little note book filled with dozens of poems. I’ve always been a writer. Even when I was in elementary school with misspelled words and horrible grammar, I was rhyming and writing stories. I plan to post more of my writings when the mood strikes me. My prose and poetry range in different subjects of all types, and I want to let my readers know not to take the darker ones too seriously. Creators create all types of things, happy, sad, light, dark, etc. and I cover a lot of subjects when I write poetry type stuff. Expressing myself through writing or art, which I also dabble in, has been a pivotal part of my life since I could hold a pencil. 

Well friends, there you have it. A quick recap of my posts and some current feelings on them. It’s December, the end of this crappy year, and Christmas time. I am ready for the new year and the change that is to come in 2021. There’s a lot actually changing in my life soon. A lot of change is happening at my work and I’m keeping positive vibes about those changes. I await some of my Christmas presents to start some new hobbies in the immediate future. Maybe I’ll post those hobbies on my blog, who knows. I also want to add in some book reviews of books I have read in the past as well as books I plan to read in the future. Maybe a post with multiple reviews in one so I don’t cover my blog in reviews? If anyone has any ideas of topics they would like me to talk about by all means leave me a comment. 

My journey continues,

Kaycee