Live Metanoia

I have had some experience with toxic relationships. I have had friends who have used me or my family. I have also worked in toxic environments. Jobs where everyone hates to be there and you wonder if you will be fired for some bogus notion. There are some jobs where you love your boss and love the job, but the work environment due to toxic coworkers is poisoning your joy.

Today I am going to talk about just that. Let me preference this that it is not currently an issue for me at my job and some examples may be from friends who have told me of their horrific experiences. I have no personal stake in this (yet) but have witnessed this type of behavior.

I don’t get hate, jealousy, or gossip. I have never really understood workplace relationships that harbor these emotions and feelings. I don’t always understand why people act the way they do. It’s the audacity for me. I don’t know about other jobs fields, or maybe this is my field more specifically where we have to trust our work accomplices with our lives, but I don’t really get the notion that your coworkers would try to sabotage you or not root for your successes. I don’t understand the need people have to make up blatant rumors about others and spread those rumors with sick enjoyment.

But maybe that’s just me. 

I’ve always thought when you get your ‘big kid’ job you go into work, do the best you can, and go home. I was raised with respect and honesty. I have always believed in integrity. With my particular job, I knew there was the added stressful environment, possible danger, and close work situations. I thought this would facilitate a family oriented, brotherhood type mindset. I was not prepared for infighting and petty people. I didn’t think I would have to wonder about the integrity of others and why a grown adult didn’t know how to push a chair in or clean up after themselves. I didn’t think coworkers throwing away your lunch or touching your things, or stealing things was something that actually went on the in the workplace. I thought it was made-for-TV drama. It never occurred to me to not keep anything personal at your workplace or out by your desk because other people would go through your things and look into your work box.

I don’t consider myself to be an optimist, but I am generally an upbeat person. Consider me more as a positive realist. However, there is something about toxic coworkers that sucks the upbeat right out of me. People who turn my guts around and make me suspicious about their intentions. Because sometimes people asking about your life aren’t looking out for you. They are looking for information to do you harm. To turn and twist and use against you. I have tried to mind my business and go in and do my work and leave. I have attempted the live by the idea of ‘not my circus, not my monkey’ mentality. But with too much cotton candy, and to many rounds on the circus ride, the monkeys are encroaching my peace of mind.

What does one do when they see a toxic coworker never be punished for their behavior? When there’s one or two troublemakers who never get written up, never fired, always swept under the rug but they sow the seeds of dissent and rumors?

You know what happens? People get mad. They leave. The work environment becomes intolerable. Division occurs.

So who is to fix this problem? The coworkers who experience it every day? The workers who have to put up with narcissist who get away with everything and take no responsibility for their actions? Or is it a lack of leadership? What about the supervisor? What do you do if the toxic person is the supervisor?

Do you leave your job and search for something better or bide your time? Some may think ignoring the toxic person and not falling into the traps they set will stop the problem. However, a lot try this and they end up being the main subject matter of the rumor mill.

And adult gossips?

They are nasty. People will make up audacious claims that affect other’s livelihoods. Their marriages and personal life can be affected by toxic people and once a rumor starts, it can be difficult to shut it down. People will always wonder. So as long as it doesn’t affect your personal life what do you do? Let them talk? All the while these toxic parasites will look you straight in the face and say they hate drama and don’t start drama or partake in the rumor mill. Lies upon lies.

It’s a constant battle working in such an environment. People who try not to be in the mix get thrown in anyway and tossed around like crazy. People who try to do the best they can are exhausted from being drained by the toxic coworker. They are tired and they are getting mad. One can only stand in so much quicksand before they are swallowed whole.

I wonder if it’s the same everywhere. I wonder if a larger work environment has the same issues as a smaller one. I wonder if it’s American culture and it’s not the same in other countries.

I wonder who raised these messy people to believe that type of behavior is acceptable ? Did they learn from their parents who did the same? Or maybe from a previous job ?

Or maybe they just suck.

All I know is that it’s up to each individual to try to be the better person. To try to not partake in the rumor mill. To try to not let others affect their lives outside of work. To try to shut the rumors down instead of help spreading them. To try and stand up against the toxic person and tell them enough.

We can only try.

My journey continues

-Kaycee